I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
