K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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