You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
