Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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