I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
