is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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