cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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