WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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