I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
