He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
