I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
