no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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