That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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