If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
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