tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Randomize
