i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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