I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Randomize
