The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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