Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
