No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
