well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
