Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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