You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
