Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
