can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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