I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
