chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
