Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
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