I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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