Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
