And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
