ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
