okay pat passed out under dana's car
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
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