That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
