Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
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