But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
the liver wants what the liver wants
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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