I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
