4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
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