her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
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