I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
