Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
My balls are so social today.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Randomize
