i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
