There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
