Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
