i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
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