Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
