she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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