dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
