come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
