First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
