I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
