The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
